Does anyone else feel like they’re all over the place? One day I want to be a YouTuber. Another day I’ll want to be a podcaster. Then a blogger. It’s all under the same broad concept: being creative. I want to do something that’s creative. I want to allow my mind to wonder and get lost in the possibilities and see what comes out of it.
You get the point.
I know I want to do something creative. I feel it in my blood. It feels like a living thing that wants to crawl out of my throat.
One of the few, pretty much, the only YouTuber that I religiously watch is Steph Bohrer. She does vlogs, book recommendations, and just book videos in general. I love how she does it. It’s never super out there. She’s discreet when it comes to filming.
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And I’m not trying to say that I want to do exactly what she’s doing. But I can picture myself with a little camera, who knows, it could even be my phone. Going about my life and recording myself. She captures her life and it looks more fulfilling.
I think in my head that if I were to start capturing my life, even the most mundane moments, maybe I’ll start to appreciate my day-to-day life more. Most of the time I catch myself waiting impatiently for the weekend and I don’t like that.
I want to be filming and decide to do other activities. Maybe a pottery class or a painting with a twist class.
Anything.
I feel like I get caught in this loop of wake up, work, come home, have three to four hours for myself, and go to sleep. Then repeat that Monday through Friday. It’s boring and it’s scary. I don’t want that to be my routine for the next forty years.
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Starting something new is so scary and I just don’t know what to do. I mean, I know what I want to do. It’s just scary to do something with the fear that in a year, I’ll get bored or overwhelmed and stop.
But I guess that also brings me to the thought that it’s ok. It’s ok to stop something or to be overwhelmed. It’s even ok to get bored because it doesn’t coincide with this season in my life.
I’m in my twenties. I’m constantly evolving. If I want to take a break/pause from whatever I’ve started, be it writing my novel, working on my blog, or, you know, starting a YouTube channel. These are all valid reasons.
I commend people that can push forward and bulldoze and self doubt or failure. I don’t work that way. I need time to process what happened or is happening before regrouping and making a game plan.